The "Twilight Zone, " yes. I've been telling people that for the last couple of years since losing my son, I've felt like a deer in the headlights, but the "Twilight Zone" describes my experience much better. After getting a desperate call from Thailand at 3 am and a hurried flight to Asia to try to find him in time, the whole flight back with him was set within the original outbreak of COVID. We hadn't heard the news about it yet, but all of a sudden we were surrounded by people with masks, yelling in Chinese and Thai. The plane was filled with white masks. At our stopover in Minneapolis on the way to Denver, we were surrounded by thousands of people in white masks. I was in a surreal nightmare. There will never be a way to separate the terror of the pandemic from watching my son go through his slow death.
Your writing is amazing. What a gift with words you have.
Victoria, my heart aches for you. You have endured trauma upon trauma -- and your description of the pandemic nightmare is chilling. We live in such a distorted version of an already precarious world. Thank you for your kind words -- so grateful our paths crossed. Call it coincidence, but in the Zone . . . we know better. Lots of love.
I'm remembering now that what contributed to the "Twilight Zone" effect was that I had to change planes in Hong Kong to get to Thailand and it was when the Chinese had just taken over the airport, so everyone was scared and yelling with white masks. The travelers were confused about where to go with the new protocols and lines, yet we were getting yelled at in Chinese from every direction. We felt like we were abducted by angry aliens.
Yes, makes me think of the episode, "To Serve Man" when Mr. Chambers is getting on the alien airplane to explore their planet, and his colleague yells as the hatch is closing, "To Serve Man; it's a cookbook!" Brilliant!
“The wilderness lives in me.” Your words are powerful and deeply meaningful, AS YOU ARE. I can’t imagine how you endure. Your courage in living and sharing your grief are beyond words. YOU change my interior world and urge mw to behold and love, especially you.
I received your post in my Stack- an email from Substack of relevant and interesting posts. I’m glad to find you.
Everything you write resonates.
Acceptance that grief will continue and it won’t fade offers me some comfort. It helps to manage my expectations. Why would grief fade? Love doesn’t fade and grief is a demonstration of love.
Instead, life adapts and grows around grief, doesn’t it. Our grief muscle develops 💔❤️🩹❤️
Wonderful to meet you, Piata. And thanks for the info about the Substack email. Very grateful for that. I love your notion of the "grief muscle." So powerful and true. Grief is like a muscle--always there, developing and strengthening over time to propel us through each day and help us carry both the pain and joy. 💔 🥰
It felt like I suddenly landed on another planet. I couldn't understand the language. The earth shifted but nobody realised it. Sending love and understanding, Elaine.
"I don't live in the wilderness. The wilderness lives in me." Beautiful, and this resonates with me. Also I went to Target yesterday, which can be a lot! Here's to us and the small and big steps we take.
The "Twilight Zone, " yes. I've been telling people that for the last couple of years since losing my son, I've felt like a deer in the headlights, but the "Twilight Zone" describes my experience much better. After getting a desperate call from Thailand at 3 am and a hurried flight to Asia to try to find him in time, the whole flight back with him was set within the original outbreak of COVID. We hadn't heard the news about it yet, but all of a sudden we were surrounded by people with masks, yelling in Chinese and Thai. The plane was filled with white masks. At our stopover in Minneapolis on the way to Denver, we were surrounded by thousands of people in white masks. I was in a surreal nightmare. There will never be a way to separate the terror of the pandemic from watching my son go through his slow death.
Your writing is amazing. What a gift with words you have.
Victoria, my heart aches for you. You have endured trauma upon trauma -- and your description of the pandemic nightmare is chilling. We live in such a distorted version of an already precarious world. Thank you for your kind words -- so grateful our paths crossed. Call it coincidence, but in the Zone . . . we know better. Lots of love.
I'm remembering now that what contributed to the "Twilight Zone" effect was that I had to change planes in Hong Kong to get to Thailand and it was when the Chinese had just taken over the airport, so everyone was scared and yelling with white masks. The travelers were confused about where to go with the new protocols and lines, yet we were getting yelled at in Chinese from every direction. We felt like we were abducted by angry aliens.
Yes, makes me think of the episode, "To Serve Man" when Mr. Chambers is getting on the alien airplane to explore their planet, and his colleague yells as the hatch is closing, "To Serve Man; it's a cookbook!" Brilliant!
heartfelt and touching!
I’m writing a book about my experience. I consider Life on Another Planet as a title as that’s how I feel. I feel like an alien in my life
This was extraordinary writing. Have restacked. Sending love ♥️
Thank you. Connecting with another healing heart means everything to me.
You’re so welcome Elaine, I’m glad we get this opportunity to share our difficult journeys, it helps I think ♥️
“The wilderness lives in me.” Your words are powerful and deeply meaningful, AS YOU ARE. I can’t imagine how you endure. Your courage in living and sharing your grief are beyond words. YOU change my interior world and urge mw to behold and love, especially you.
Thank you, dear. So grateful for your steadfast support.💕
I received your post in my Stack- an email from Substack of relevant and interesting posts. I’m glad to find you.
Everything you write resonates.
Acceptance that grief will continue and it won’t fade offers me some comfort. It helps to manage my expectations. Why would grief fade? Love doesn’t fade and grief is a demonstration of love.
Instead, life adapts and grows around grief, doesn’t it. Our grief muscle develops 💔❤️🩹❤️
Wonderful to meet you, Piata. And thanks for the info about the Substack email. Very grateful for that. I love your notion of the "grief muscle." So powerful and true. Grief is like a muscle--always there, developing and strengthening over time to propel us through each day and help us carry both the pain and joy. 💔 🥰
It felt like I suddenly landed on another planet. I couldn't understand the language. The earth shifted but nobody realised it. Sending love and understanding, Elaine.
You describe The Fog so well. My brain has for sure changed. I still wonder if it’s permanent.
How Covid changed us permanently I certainly wonder about.
Yes, I think our brains have been savagely rattled by the radical shift in our realities. My son Elliot's death is still incomprehensible.
"I don't live in the wilderness. The wilderness lives in me." Beautiful, and this resonates with me. Also I went to Target yesterday, which can be a lot! Here's to us and the small and big steps we take.
Indeed! A big mental shift I am tying to make is mindfully noticing the micro wins and moments of joy. Kudos on your Target run!! 😀
You have put a pulse on grief. I have been trying to find a new heart beat for 12 years.
How perfectly articulated -- "trying to find a new heart beat." That's it exactly.